No Apology

So there was no parade, but we did have some fireworks. I have mentioned here before that “aggression, accusations, and abusive language are like a fireworks display, loud and distracting and leave only smoke in their wake.” Best of all, I have lost my membership to “the fan club”; that forum where any dissent is met with immediate blocking. I blame myself for that one; I should have figured it out long before that autocrats have no room for dissenting views. I also understand that someone made an attempt to write me an open letter. The only problem is this, it is not so open if you are posting it in a secret group where the letter's recipient has been blocked. It now becomes just another juicy piece of gossip.

I have been attacked for my supposed “good life” in the USA “sponsored by SOS”. All I can say is that I graduated several years back, so I am obviously not under SOS sponsorship. Another thing, I am sorry, but I cannot apologize for my achievements. I cannot beat myself down to make you feel good about yourself. You are in control of your feelings, whatever you feel about yourself starts in your head and no matter what I tell you, that voice in your head remains the loudest. We all come to SOS and get the same opportunity. What you do with yours is your business. My education in SOS has been mainly through scholarships which I got by merit, nothing was handed to me.  My achievements are mine to own and nobody can shame me out of my pride. I worked hard for them, focused and got whatever I aimed for.

We have this bad habit of insulting each other on the basis of achievements, diction, the car one drives, where one lives, etc. I was brought up in SOS, we all were.  We participated in the same activities, ate the same food and had the same interactions, in other words; same opportunities for everyone.  You cannot classify me based on your own insecurities, to be able to deal with who I have become. And I am sorry I will not lower my standard to accommodate your mediocrity.

Most of us are still dealing with mob psychology issues, we are still learning to support individual thought. We are beginning to understand that it is ok to be a lone wolf; that it is ok to say no, that we can withstand peer pressure and have different viewpoints. We are learning that the world is bigger than the SOS village. Unfortunately, some are coping and some have failed miserably so they will come back repeatedly to that place they feel most at home and cuddle within it for security and to feel needed and relevant. The enemies of progress are those that still operate in packs and howl incessantly any time they feel the wind blowing in the direction they do not like.

I rest in the knowledge that my head is sticking out and that’s the reason why so many hits are coming my way. I have been accused of being an enemy of progress. If that progress refers to the planned demo, I cannot be faulted for requesting for clarification before participating. I also never asked people not to demo, I just pointed out the flaw in the plan and decided to watch from the sidelines. I recall making the reference of killing the fly with the hammer, we didn’t need the big guns for this, and there was a better solution. I still maintain that the best way to work with the administration is symbiotically, a give and take relationship. As for my stand on the issues we are facing, I have been blogging on them for the past few years. Let those who have eyes read; and may God bless them with some understanding.

Open Letter to Isaac Irungu

Allow me to join the melee for a moment, since my non-participation in some forums has been of concern to some. I will just pen an open letter to my brother Isaac. Kufungua moyo in my own way, since you threw down the gauntlet. This challenge is well received since I did indeed air my opinions on your planned demonstration. I have to say my concern was for the SOS children in the facilities who are still dependants of SOS. As for those of us over 18 years, we are legally adults and our orphan status becomes a challenge we overcame and not a status we fall back in when we feel overwhelmed by life’s challenges. I understand some may have a problem with my stance, but in our interactions with SOS need to be tempered since we need to give our younger siblings as much chance as we got to make something of their lives. So here we go.

My Dear Brother Isaac,

Thank you for ousting me in such an unceremonious manner. It must befuddle you that not all of us wish to do our work in the spotlight. Knowing how much you crave for people’s attention and approval. It is not that I am not proud of my work. Far from it, I just wanted the anonymity for a balanced discourse. The manner in which you ousted me was frankly insulting, with your claims of my sister being paid by management, and of me being her foot solder. The truth is my sister is an awesome woman, and a good role model in my opinion. She is accomplished and respected. You Isaac, on the other hand cannot hold a candle up to her; even with a ten-year head start. So yes, I would gladly be her foot solder because I know she is a capable leader. As for the money exchanging hands we all know who engages in those tactics. Didn’t you pay off your siblings once to discredit your sister’s claims? I’ll leave it at that.

I called you an assumed leader because you found a weakness and exploited it. You are determined to lead by tooth and nail. You will even go to the extent of calling yourself youth when the cutoff age for youth disqualifies you. Check the UNESCO website; “The UN, for statistical consistency across regions, defines 'youth', as those persons between the ages of 15 and 24 years” so my brother this disqualifies you outright from making such claims. Your peers refuse to let you lead them and that makes you furious. It is the reason you refuse to use the established body for Senior SOS members SOBGA which is recognized and has a charter in place to address issues that are of concern in our community. You prefer to run your show through a fractured faction of ex-SOS who let you run amok, claiming to represent us all. I refuse to let you give the impression that your views and decisions on issues represent us all.

I will let you in on the reasons why you have continuously been rejected as a leader by your peers.  You are not a bad person; your heart is in the right place. After all, we all want what’s best for SOS. In your case however, your problem solving skills are wanting and in need of improvement. Another thing not working for you is, you just have a bad relationship with other people’s money (unpaid loans), you are the first to throw stones on misappropriation of funds but forget you have the same sins (KShs 20,000 welfare money you need to pay up, misplaced grant money), you have no ability to resolve issues diplomatically, you are not ready to reason with anyone who opposes your view, and you lack good judgment. That is why I reject you as a leader. You may feel like you have a following, but eventually the mask will fall and their eyes will open and you will be seen for who you are.

I would also like to request you to cease and desist from using the name of SOS youth to solicit funds from people in the name of creating employment opportunities and/or businesses that will purportedly help the youth be self sufficient. Case in point being the grant you received from SOS, please explain to your ardent supporters how you used their name to get a grant from SOS KDI to boost your business with the claim that you will employ SOS youth. To date you have not done as you promised and have not given feedback on how you implemented the project. I believe you keep records for all these transactions and can provide a good report if needed. I honestly believe your reluctance to work with SOS KDI fraud department stemmed from your previous dealings with them, and your inability to account for the grant money.

Please do not take this as an invitation to engage in words. It is mentally exhausting for me to engage with you. You do not pay heed to reason, you are unable to engage in a meaningful discourse, and are so full of your own self-worth. You remind me of real estate values in Nairobi, so over-valued. Unfortunately, you also happen to be the price-fixer in this case. However, if you decide to engage, I feel no compulsion to reply to you. So you go ahead and do you anyway, if that will help you achieve your zen.

Peace,

Njeri

I will not picket!!!

I understand that sometime in the next 24 hours we are to picket in protest of our brother Mutiso’s sacking from his position as the Village Director. This protest is supposed to push the administration to invert their decision and reinstate our brother to his previous position. I refuse to picket for a number of reasons.

The Whys.

I do not have the details of the reasons for the dismissal, but I do believe that the SOS organization is not an “at will” employer, and thus will need to have good cause to fire an employee. Whatever the reasons for letting him go must be well documented and correct procedures followed. We do not need a protest to get to the bottom of it. The aggrieved party has the ability to state their grievances and a solution can be found. We all know how notorious SOS is at keeping records for everything, so somewhere there is a document stating the reasons for the dismissal. On the other hand, Mutiso has not stated his position in the matter so we can only presume that he is consenting to the actions being carried out in his name. Silence means consent and all that.

Double standards

Are we saying that ex-SOS children who choose to work for the organization be handled with kid gloves? We did demand that institutional corruption be handled. If anyone in the organization is found to be engaging in any unfavorable activities, they should be let go. Notwithstanding if they are ex-SOS children employees (personally I hold them to a higher standard with the expectation that they being beneficiaries of SOS should know better). I will reiterate my point of SOS the organization and SOS the home as different entities. Dismissal from the organization does not mean dismissal in the social setting. If anything, families are pulled together in times of adversity. We may not like that our brother was sacked as a family, but that does not rule out the fact that he was found wanting at the organization level.

Leadership

I have no faith in the organizers of the protest. I believe there is a lack of transparency in their actions and most of all a hidden agenda in their activities in general. How was this decision to hit the streets made? Is there a general consensus that this is the right path to take? Why the refusal to use the proper channels to resolve the issue? Who is financing the activity? I suppose if we follow the money we can reveal the masterminds and in the process know what the real agenda is. The problem with assumed leadership is that the loudest entities believe that they represent the masses. Unfortunately, the voice of reason always gets heard eventually. After all it only took one small kid to convince everyone that the emperor had no clothes. We need to change up things, we need to choose paths that make sense and not means to an end for some people’s agendas.

Transparency (or lack thereof)

I also understand the in-depth information on the matter was only imparted to a particular clique, and not everyone expected to show up for the demonstration. We have progressively built groups within groups among ourselves; we have also insulted each other and engaged in breaking each other down. All these contrary to the message we try to portray, that we are one big family. How do you convince people you pushed away to join in your activities and present a united front? Do not be selective of what activities I am able to participate in as a family member. We all need each other as a family, but I believe if you want my brawn, you cannot separate it from the brain. You have to give me the information I need to make the decision whether I will picket or not. Without which I will not avail myself to further your agenda.

Ethics

The success of SOS as an organization depends on a careful balance of diplomacy and social engagement with our stakeholders. There is a reason why PR activities are delegated to professionals. We need donations to run this ship and donors need to see the effects their contributions make. Why cut of your nose to spite your face? We cannot afford bad publicity. Why do we claim to be fighting for the future of SOS and dragging SOS through the mud at the same time? If anything we should have ourselves to blame for any fallout after this. Now, can someone tell me who should be saved first from a burning building; an old man, or an infant? Are we ready to jeopardize the futures of our brothers and sisters in the village to save one person’s job. And who was that smart person who decided that we should use a hammer to kill a fly anyway?

So my brothers and sisters, until all my questions are answered, I will borrow a leaf from Baba Lupita, I will keep to the sidelines and watch the demonstration while drinking my hot chai.

WHO ARE WE?

This post is a reply to a request by one of our brothers to explain what SOBGA is and also to address another brother’s comment below.

“Where and what are other SOGBA members doing to save SOS? Ever since it was formed,only one member is active and we do appreciate. Are the rest waiting for someone to die, may the good Lord forbid, so they can call their 'family members ' for the Ksh 5000 house contribution? SOGBA representatived,you either save your home or break the group!!! 16 Houses and only ONE member is active!!!!! Be real SOGBA!”

-Fredrick Orinda

I will first thank you all for taking your time to engage in this discussion. I believe in the exchange of ideas and opinions. I have to also apologize for being remiss in our duties as older generations of SOS youth to educate our younger brothers and sisters on the paths we have taken before that they may be taking at the moment. This question should not have been asked if that duty had been done.

So, what is SOBGA?

SOBGA is the acronym for SOS Old Boys and Girls Association.

Who are the members?

I believe membership is by virtue of being a former SOS youth within the Kenyan villages where the association is based. I believe this one qualifier makes us all former SOS youth members. So SOBGA is you and me. We are SOBGA.

SOBGA was formed to address different issues that we face as former SOS youth. One of the main purposes was to work as a united front instead of resorting to anonymous letters to the administration when issues arise. There was also need for protection from persecution of members for whistle blowing. For example, our Brother Isaac’s recent attempted arrest. Thanks Izzo for your endeavors in bringing issues to light.

Essentially, SOBGA was to act as the bridge between SOS the organization and SOS the community. These two entities have to work together for progress to happen. The fact of the matter is that we both need to coexist, that is the reason we need moderation and tact in handling our issues. You cannot cut off your nose to spite your face. We have younger brothers and sisters still in the system that we need to think of. Their very survival depends on it.

I believe your first question has been answered Orinda, since we do have different SOS children and youth at different levels trying to affect change. Change is not always a result of visible actions. Wind can effect a change as destructive as water and yet it is not visible to the eye. Let’s not squabble over who seems more active. We need to have a unity of purpose. Our business is to see that things are running as they should be in our home.

Your reference to the contributions we make during funerals is what elicited an apology from me. Before this arrangement funerals for our brothers and sisters were riddled with financial challenges. You were obviously too young at the time to feel the weight of the inability to fulfill a brother’s last rites of passage. This present arrangement is the solution that seems to have worked so far. What part of this arrangement irks you the most? How do you suggest we should change it? If you have another solution we are willing to hear you out.

Now that we have established that we former SOS youth are all representative of that entity SOBGA let us all show some unity of purpose and stop pulling each other down like crabs in a pot. Let us also engage with each other and find workable solutions to our problems.

It saddens me to make this post today. The cause of my consternation is that if all the claims I put forth are true, then we as SOS have diverged so far from our founder’s dream and vision; that we should find ourselves a different name. A quote that comes to mind is:

 "Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend."

Walter Savage Landor

Are we as an organization losing our usefulness? 

The SOS vision states that, “Every child belongs to a family and grows with love, respect and security.” Sounds simple yes, but it seems the people on the ground have become increasingly confused by its meaning. One thing we need to keep in mind is that as an organization, we are major contributors in the creation of policies related to children so we cannot preach what we do not practice. Our organization should be at the forefront in the fight for children’s basic rights. We should not be the perpetrators of abuse of the children directly through our employees, or indirectly through our policies.

Rampant misappropriation of funds

Food is one of the basic rights that we as an organization have the ability to protect, and should be protecting. Unfortunately, this is one of the areas we are failing miserably. Funds for food are received two week into the month; and in some cases three weeks into the month. Apart from food being a basic right, shouldn't we have in place a mechanism for disbursing funds with minimal cash handling to deter mismanagement of funds?  If an item was on the budget to begin with, why is the money being diverted, or withheld? Is it a policy for our organization to replace funds for food with donations? If this is the case who decides on the monetary value on the donation and what is done with the diverted funds?

Sexual Abuse

Given the nature of our business, we should have zero tolerance on sexual abuse. We need to be non-negotiable in cases involving sexual abuse because our vision expects us to provide security to the children. The major reason to have such a policy is because there is a huge potential for “Quid pro Quo”harassment, that is sexual favors in exchange for benefits. We have seen cases of administrators who had sex relations with all and sundry, youth and mothers included.  Such a situation is highly unethical and a health hazard; in some courts such an individual can be charged with felonious assault, especially if a disease was spread in the act.

Conflict of interest

It is wrong for our employees to use SOS as the main market for their business activities, especially so, if they happen to be the same party directly involved in the sourcing of the services. For example, a PR manager sourcing services from their own PR firm. Need I say more?

Nepotism

Is it true that our hiring process is hacked? If this is so, the solution is as simple as getting a new firm to do the job. From a management point of view, this is one of the reasons for low quality output, entitlement and corruption. Our processes as an organization should have enough flexibility to allow for such a change without interruption to our daily business.

Talking about our hiring process, I would wish to see the day when our National Directors present their mission for the organization upon their assumption of office. This mission should be hung up in a central place in all the projects and at the end of their term be evaluated based on it before rehire. This will encourage transparency and accountability.

In conclusion, as an organization we need to go back to the basics of our mission in child care. We need systems of accountability to be put in place at all levels of our organization. We need red tape reduced for processes that are crucial in the running of our organization. We need ethical administrators to implement our vision and all the project players need to be on the same page with regards to our goals and mission. 

Let’s all strive to remember to maintain our usefulness.

Survive- to continue to function or prosper. (Merriam-Webster)

Two of our own were featured this week on the Survivor Series . Watching this feature left me with a sense of pride. Asha Jamilla and Moses Kihara are truly survivors. They are using the lessons of their past to build their future. 

From a publicist point of view, this is a good piece for fundraising purposes. It highlights the problem, and presents SOS solution to the problem. I wish there was more information for potential supporters, like a number to call, or a website etc.

Our challenge now remains on how to keep these children’s momentum. Evidently they plan to succeed; so it’s up to us as the SOS community to facilitate them to that end. I have pointed out in previous blogs on how we should be mentors to our brothers and sisters, and to also take a moment and hear their dreams.

Things your mom knows but won’t tell you to your face

This is a short disclaimer from me before we start this discussion. The views represented here are my own and do not represent any other persons or entities. I am not receiving any favors or remuneration for the views herein. If any views out there have been represented, it is purely coincidence; maybe because they are common sense?

Recently there has been a move to address a number of issues by a section of SOS youth. While I applaud your initiative to address issues, here are some words of wisdom any of your mothers in SOS would have given to you.

While SOS is your home, it is also an organization.

Yes, SOS is the only home you know. You grew here; it is your pride and joy. It also happens to be an organization whose primary mission is to care for the orphaned and abandoned children. I believe that this is where the bone of contention lies. We who grew up her view it as a home and those who work here see it as an organization. We need to find a common ground and share the same point of view on the issues that affect us all, or we will always be at loggerheads.

Homes are more static in nature while organizations are dynamic.

The rules in your home have probably remained the same since you were a kid. Whenever you gather together nobody has to explain the rules of conduct, seniority by age is known, each individual’s character is known, etc. Organizations on the other hand are a different conundrum. They experience many changes. These could be leadership, operational, or structural to name a few.

SOS the home mostly affects our social life, SOS the organization affects all issues administrative and the two need each other.

While it is good to embrace the role community plays in our lives, we should also be aware of the hand that feeds us. You cannot spite the mouth to feed the stomach. Issues of contention should be approached with diplomacy and tact. When faced with differing opinions in a social setting, the resolution is not always about things being done your way, but rather a move to finding a middle place where there is give and take from all the dissenting parties.

A symbiotic relationship is the healthiest between the two no matter how bitter the pill is to swallow.

SOS the home is a community, not a collection within the group.

A community only stands strong by the strength of its leadership. Leadership within the group is determined by different the election of representatives among the various groups represented. We have mother reps, house reps etc who by virtue of their elections are the official representatives in all matters that affect the groups that elected them.

There may exist within the community respected members who on occasion may voice concerns which is welcome, or not by some members of the community. It is also a common understanding that the views are shared by a majority of the community members and also supported by other respected individuals in the community. Short of this the expressed concerns remain personal and one cannot purport to represent the community as a whole.

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

This is self explanatory; aggression, accusations, and abusive language are like a fireworks display, loud and distracting and leave only smoke in their wake. Let us employ more tact in our discourse. A little respect to someone’s office goes a long way. The same way we expect respect accorded to our mothers and our reps is the same way we should respect the representatives of SOS the organization.

Today’s challenge

What are your responsibilities and roles in SOS the home and SOS the organization?