NARC (Nothing Actually Really Changed)

I am back from the land of endless projects and deadlines. I would like to send a shout out to all the graduates this year(welcome to the real world. Hope you got yourselves a pair of bata bullets for the tarmacking).

And back to today's topic. After months of meetings, discussions, and finally compromise, the students who had been removed from school will be going back. Many may see this as cause for celebration but I don’t. For some reason I fear we are in deeper than we think. Before you accuse me of being a pessimist, let me explain my reasons.

What was accomplished by bringing back the students to school? We took care of the symptoms and not the disease. The problem as we all know is that students are failing in school, as much as we may lobby to keep them there, the trend will continue and the results will be the same unless change actually takes place.

I suggest a complete overhaul of the system, let us make changes within the system that will actually attack the problem and not keep it off until the next time it rears its head. I suggest that each of the players has a role to play to assure the students success.

Students
The students have to realize that it’s a high time they took charge of their life. They should get mentors who can help them improve on their study skills; assist them in making life goals and setting priorities.

Mothers
Start early. Teach children how to study, dream big and structure their lives. Encourage the children to read at least one book a week, give them examples of people who worked hard and aimed high so that they know goals are achievable, and most of all, give them endless support and opportunities to build confidence.

Village Fathers
As the family head, you set the standards, your expectations from the children is reflected by the decisions you make, and the opportunities you present to the children in your care. And remember, your actions always speak louder than your words.

Educators
Set your priorities, you are not a disciplinarian and should not be seen as such. Your role in a student’s life is more of a councilor. You are the student’s eyes to possibilities through education so get informed of as many possibilities open to students as possible. They will thank you for it. Your belief in the student’s performance should always be positive, remember a good performance is partly a result of self confidence in a student.

Youth Leaders
Dealing with adolescents is not easy, but adolescence is the break, or make stage; you should never be limited in your views of the youths’ achievements or you will end up shattering dreams and lives. Do not play favorites; we are dealing with people’s lives here.

Today’s challenge

To all those who resumed school, please prove me wrong. Let your results say that something changed, that it was worth taking you back to school.

My Brother, My Neighbor: Part 2

I would wish to revisit this post because the comment posted in response made me realize that the point I was trying to make did not quite go through.

The concept of SOS is based on four principles; the SOS mother, the SOS brothers and sisters, the SOS house and the SOS village. See the SOS mission as described below on the SOS organization’s site.

Each child needs a mother, and grows up most naturally with brothers and sisters, in their own house, within a supportive village environment.

Our SOS villages are made up of a number of houses as we all know. It is for this reason that I say my neighbor is also my brother since my neighbor’s house is in fact another SOS house. So you see, my brother and my neighbor are not two different things.

I agree that within the SOS community we do not emphasis enough that we are all brothers and sisters and when we do we do not explain it well enough, or even early enough to avoid all the pitfalls that follow when the children in the village forget that they are brothers and sisters.

On the other hand, I believe actions speak louder than words. So we as the older brothers and sisters should set a good example to the younger ones and display this brother-sister concept through our actions. For example, going back to the village to solicit the young children for sexual favors is a no-no. Such a relationship should not be encouraged, or even conceived. Imagine what danger an unwilling child may be in if one older child forces their attention on them? Remember that it is very easy for the older children to move in and out of the village without raising any suspicion. In the same way, it will be very easy to even rape a child. I know this is a worst-case scenario but hey, information never killed anyone.

The question today is, will we encourage the SOS children to see each other as brothers and sisters, or will we ignore this relation and in the process become the greatest danger to those who call us and see us as their big brothers and sisters?

My Brother, My Neighbour

A comment on the previous blog on the SOS holiday program has brought up an issue I wish to discuss. There was a question within the comment on how to make the choice when one decides to host an SOS child for the vacation.

I would like to present a few questions for your reflection. Who is my brother/sister? What is the difference between a house brother/sister and a village brother/sister? What differentiates between a house brother/sister and a village brother/sister?

Personally, I do not make a distinction between the two. My reasoning being that SOS is an extended family, it extends further than the national and continental borders. The SOS philosophy on the family unit enables all mothers to regard the children as their own and from experience; I have seen that any relationship between any members of the SOS family is not based on the house, village, or even the country they come from. How else do you explain how welcome you feel in a village away from home, with a different family who still regard you as one of their own? The uniqueness of the SOS framework enables me to have a home away from home. I know that the village policy of placing guests with particular family works and goes a long way to establish a bond between the visiting SOS child, or even guest and an SOS family. Some of the village fathers go an extra mile to ensure that the visitor has some things in common with the visitor. For example, I visited a village once and I was placed with a family that had children of the same age, attending college as I was and that was exceptional service.

On the village level, I feel that each SOS child is a potential brother or sister. Let me dabble with some statistics to put my point across. Take a village like SOS Nairobi for example, where we have a total of 16 houses. If a child is brought to SOS today, the probability that the child will be placed in my family house is 1/16, a chance which will make him/her my brother or, sister. So, the only reason that any other SOS child is not my house brother/sister is purely administrative, meaning we have no control where the child is placed. I feel this is enough reason to regard and other SOS child as my brother or sister. I use the same argument to explain why marriages between SOS children from the same village should be discouraged, but that is a topic for another day.

To answer the questions that the host should play, I suggest being a mentor for the child will be the best thing to do. Guide them on making career, or personal choices. Listen to their dreams and aspirations. From experience, i think just listening goes a long way. Some of the kids have ideas already, they just need some input on how to go about it. Find more ideas in our previous posts. I am assuming that you are hosting a child who has a relationship with you. I also wish that we could pose the challenge to the village fathers, mothers and educators on what their expectations may be and perhaps we can develop a manual on how to mentor a child. I would also like to ask if anyone has suggestions on what advice, experiences etc. worked for them, or not as they were growing up in the village.

Holiday Program

A while back there was a comment on how the holiday program is successful. I don’t know exactly how the program works today, but I can attest the fact that it many not be as positive as intended. I have some thoughts on the program that I wish to share.

The intentions of the holiday program are good, and I do not refuse that in some settings it may work out and the desired results be realized. I speak from experience and my views are based on discussions I have had with some of the children. I personally think more work should be put into it for the results to be desirable.

• I am sure that the scenario is slightly different in today's case, but for a long time going to your relatives was perceived as the ultimate punishment. I regret that this notion is still there and some kids actually feel they are being punished. I believe there should be preparation for the children to explain why they need to visit their relatives; this can be done by the mothers at home or even the older brothers and sisters. Not forgetting the youth leader and educators.
• I think some background check on the relatives should also be done. The reason I say this is, as much as we say we are going to visit relatives, some of the circumstances that made us come to SOS may have resulted from family feuds. Some children are not welcome at their relative’s homes, and some relatives will not hide this from the children. Other children have inherited land or property that their relatives are not ready to relinquish. I fear that there are some who will stop at nothing to claim their relative’s property.
• This case is a problem that has been there for a long time and I hope it will change, or has changed. I feel that some of the comments made by the educator, mothers or even the youth leaders to the relatives play a major role in the relative’s perception of the children. Picture this, your relative (niece, cousin or whatever the relation) is brought to stay with you for vacation and the guardian has nothing nice to say about them. Will you have a positive outlook to the stay, or you will see a difficult child in your care?
• Another downside of the program is the differentiation it makes between the children whose relatives are known and those whose relatives are not known. I have heard one of the kids being teased mercilessly over the fact that she has no known relatives. This is a cause for concern for the mothers as well because the children without relatives end up spending the vacation with her and the others away from home. From a child’s point of view, does that mean the ones staying home have a different relationship with the mother than those going away to visit relatives? This may not be a grownup’s reality, but for the children, these will be some of the questions going through their minds.

The program is not a complete failure; with some work, it can be a tool that can be used to expand the SOS children’s world view. It can help eliminate some of the shortages we face in life outside the confines of SOS. A lot of work needs to be done though to make is work positively. I think it is better to do something once and do it well, rather than do it badly over and over until the lesson is lost.

It is not my intention to paint the program, or relatives in a bad light. I am just referring to the scenarios that may lead to failure. There are relatives out there who influence the children positively and have contributed tremendously to their success in life.

Today’s Challenge
Could you host a child from the village to stay with you for the vacation? If not, what would prevent you from doing that?

IN LOVING MEMORY

My earliest memories of you our dear father Hermann Gmeiner, is of days spent painstakingly practicing welcome songs for your visits. These days were filled with love and joy. Our efforts were well acknowledged because your stay with us meant days brightened with color for we got so many balloons and sweets. You were the only grown up we could cart around in the wheelbarrow and get away with it. Not once did you complain that the ride was bumpy, and I know it was. You just rode with us and as usual gave us your big smile.

To me, it was like you just came to see me, and I am sure we all felt the same way. Only you had that special way of making each one of us feel your visit was personal. We always knew the exact time your flight landed so our eyes were always on the clock. Those who couldn’t tell time asked their older brothers and sisters. All the air traffic at the appointed time was bringing you to us, it didn’t matter that the army airstrip was close to the village. Maybe those were the army planes. Who knows?

Today we join in prayer in your memory. We pray that when you look at us you smile because your work is a success and your dream has come to pass. We have a family that loves us, and we have many friends. Baba, you did a great job and God bless you forever.

Today's thought

On the anniversary of our founder's passing, I would wish to share this Irish poem with you all, and pray that we remember all the good intentions and dreams that Hermann Gmeiner had when he started the SOS Children's Villages.

WHEN I MUST LEAVE YOU

When I must leave you

for a little while

Please do not grieve

and shed wild tears

And hug your sorrow to you

through the years

But start out bravely

with a gallant smile;

And for my sake and

in my name live on

and do all things the same,

Feed not your loneliness

on empty days,

But fill each waking hour

in useful ways,

Reach out your hand

in comfort and in cheer

And I in turn will comfort you

and hold you near;

And never,

never be afraid to die.

WHO AM I?

I have a theory on why most of the SOS children do not perform well in school. My theory is that the education structure does not encourage individualism. Take this, you live all your life in the village, you go to the village kindergarten, the SOS Primary school, The SOS high school and then maybe the SOS College, or even the SOS technical school. Note that most of the formative years are spent in SOS institutions. I cannot say this about the present moment but when I attended SOS education institutions, I was always an SOS child, even if I did something as an individual; it was termed “SOS children’s behavior”.

I am not against SOS education institutions per se; I only feel that their effectiveness is not felt because there is little separation of the children’s lives from their school life. Imagine going to a school where all the teachers know all the details about your family. They have preconceived ideas about your character, your ability, your personality, even the expected performance in school. Tell me how objective can someone be if they already have an impression of who you are. The image the village father and mother present of the child is exactly what they present to the teachers and more often than naught, the children do not disappoint. They turn out exactly as presented.

Ever heard of the story of the student who came to class late, found a problem on the board, copied it down and went home and tried to solve it? He brought his answer to class and the teacher did not know what to say, because before the student came to class he had already told the rest of the class that it was not solvable. The student did not hear that and that is why he went on to solve it. Moral; let us have better expectations of the SOS children and see if that changes anything. Separate home life and school life and see what happens. It worked for the church and state. Why can’t it work here?

It took me a long time to learn who I am as an individual, since I always was an SOS child in everyone’s eyes. I feel the “individualization of the child” is a concept that should be encouraged in the SOS institutions. I think that the term SOS child is situational. We are SOS children by virtue of being under the care of SOS. I wonder if anyone recalls the time when we dreaded going to the SOS Primary school (Poly), this was an SOS institution and yet we were the most terrorized group of students there. It was not enough that the school was strict to the point of being ridiculous (we were too busy trying to avoid the canes to learn, it is the only school I was ever forced to copy assignments). I digress; all I would like to point out is that behind all those colored t-shirts written SOS, behind all those noisy kids at play, behind all those naughty kids swimming in the tanks or climbing trees are individuals and that is what we should see first.

I am against this idea of herding SOS children and having the same expectation from them in terms of how they think, how they behave, what they want out of their lives, the careers they want to pursue etc. I agree that there are common habits that we form as members of the SOS community, but let us not limit the characters of the individuals to fit onto the box. When we were young, there were several fruit-stealing incidences, most of which were followed by what I would call kangaroo courts by virtue of their lengths, presided by the village father to fish out the culprits. This of course required beating the kids known not to have perseverance for the cane. Would it be right therefore to say all the kids stole fruits? No. Then why did one teacher once say “If any one’s food is stolen, an SOS child is likely to be the culprit”? I am afraid at the time this was taken by its face value and I even remember laughing it off. Now that I am older and wiser, I feel that comments like these should be taken seriously and prevented at all cost because little by little, we start believing what they imply and even act them out to some extent since we know that they are expected behavior.


Today’s challenge

Acknowledge a child as an individual today by asking these simple questions.

What did you learn in school today?
What do you like doing most?
Who is the most important person in your life?
What do you want to be when you grow up?

Feel free to add to the list.

My Take

I apologize for the long absence, I was on vacation and now that I am back at my desk, I hope to keep the discussions flowing.

First I would like to reply to some of the comments some of you sent. My argument on education seems to be generating a lot of interest so I will revisit it again.

We come to SOS and try and make the best we can out of the opportunity. As we are all aware, we do not stand to inherit any land, and even one of our youth leaders keeps reminding us, “SOS hakuna shamba”(SOS has no land), what he was trying to say was, we stand no chance of inherit any part of land that SOS stands on. What we get out of SOS we carry in out hearts and minds. We get the familial love and we also gain a chance for a better life. Education falls within the range of things we can carry in our minds. A large majority of our community members will try and look for employment at one time or another, and this is where the education level matters. The more educated you are, the better the chance of a better job and with the current unemployment level, this may not even be a guarantee for a job. The education argument was taken further in other posts and we saw how we can define education differently. In today’s world, we can also see education in the street-wise sense, one’s survival capability in the real world.

I appreciate SOS as an institution that is dedicated to quality service to its beneficiaries. Its approach at attempting to get constructive feedback from former SOS children is not only genuine, but also displays concern on their part. Please see the tracking footprints report and tell me what you think. There is a lot of positive stuff being done out there. SOS is accepting that not all the products have been positive, but they are dedicated to making improvement on situations within their power i.e. the children who are still in the projects.

I would like to believe that the SOS organization is growing and positively at that. Like any other community, adversity challenges us to improve ourselves and we do not allow any problems to hold us back. Of course we take long to change, remember this is a social setting so changes are not effected rapidly in all cases which to some may be too slow. But isn’t life like that? You can’t please every body.


Thought of the day
Think of a new way to improve the work of SOS today. Remember, we are a community and each one of us plays a role in the development of our community. Take responsibility today.

ON CRITISISM

When I started this blog, I mentioned that we will be dealing with issues that affect our community. One of the comments posted had a disturbing ring to it, part of it reads as follows;

“…the other day I was working on a certain paper and the truth is I felt ashamed to be an SOS person, why some dude is trying to prove that institutional care- the SOS model is an enslaver to devt and for real... the interviews done in Ethiopia, Namibia and Rwanda proved their claim.... but how come????? some get this far? …” - anonymous

My first reaction was, hey, we have enough people out there who can write their own papers to disprove that. On second thought, I feel that we should look deeper into the claims and by doing so, check if this was a truly constructive criticism, or just malicious ideas being put out by someone who has beef (problems) with the institution as a whole. I cannot comment further on the topic for now since I am yet to see the purported paper, and because I also believe in giving everyone a benefit of their doubt.

Remember the desiderata; "and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story". All I can ask is, could the anonymous person who made the comment send in maybe a link, a copy of the report, or any reference to the media used so that we can continue on this topic without necessarily brushing the person off if they have a valid point to make. If we cannot get this report I promise we will revisit the topic with the assumption of what he was trying to talk about.

Today’s challenge:
Read the desiderata this week and reflect on how you can apply it in life.

TOPIC 'DU JOUR'

Simply translated, topic du jour refers to today’s topic. Before anyone accuses me of butchering French, I know that it should actually be ‘Ordre du jour’. I digress, the hot topic of the day is, Education. I touched on it yesterday, and yes, I will beat it till heaven comes. The reason being, Brian Tracy in his book ‘Focal Point’ says, “Whatever you concentrate on grows”. I figure if we pay enough attention to education in our community, then we will see the changes or growth that we so desire.

By education I not only refer to the intellectual type, I also refer to the type where one develops enough understanding of his environment, community, in general the mechanics of his surrounding. For example, how many of our youth ever know how, or even where bills are paid prior to leaving the family house? It is this type of education I am talking about, the knowledge of what goes on behind that gate. The realities of life, that in real life people do not always money ready for their school fees. That sometimes there isn’t enough money to buy sugar, or even milk for tea. That money is income, and not a gift. And to always keep that in mind, when spending it. I am not advocating for misappropriation of funds, I am just saying that sometimes we come out facing life unprepared, our realities are not an actual representation of real life.

Let me touch on the other kind of education. Yes, the intellectual type. I do not believe that intellectual ability always has to be a result of birth. The difference in one kid’s performance from another is their brains synthesis of information. Different brains process information differently. Some kids are lucky that the education system is designed such that their brains are able to process the information faster. I am basing this on experience, how else do you explain those kids who were last in class and tuition classes changed all that? Or those kids who were always last in class and yet managed to get into the university, or even those who were removed from school and somehow became the best in their fields? I believe there are several buttons to be pushed to increase productivity in schools. If each of us pushed the ones they believe can work, imagine the kind of successes we can see in our community.

Education is about focus, the minds ability to narrow down on a subject, issue, experience etc. to develop awareness of it. Some people have mastered how to do this, others have to learn, work harder on their focusing skills. But God is fair and nature balances itself, so with enough practice on focus, a kid who was always last in class worms his/her way up to the top. Note my use of language here, it is not necessarily a fast process, but persistence pays.

I believe with hard work and encouragement a kid can greatly improve on his education. This is where we step in as big brothers and sisters. We need to give encouragement and assistance to each other. We have to teach the kids in our community how to focus, give them reasons to focus, be role models they can emulate, teach them how to dream big and broaden their horizons. Remember, “and as you dream, so shall you become” (James Allen, “As a Man Thinketh”).

Today’s challenge:

• Given my experiences in life, what contribution can I make to the education of a child?
• How much can these experiences be used to educate our brothers and sisters about the realities of life? About what is on the other side of the gate (“Inje ya gate”)?
  
  
  
  

Change, Education and our Responsibilities

Change

If there is one constant in an SOS kid’s life, it is change. For us change takes place everyday. Same methodology, new administration; come retirement, new mother; grow older, youth home, transitional home etc.

The best way to deal with change is to let it flow. Imagine you are a rock on the riverbed and the change is the current. Let it smooth your rough, resisting edges. It may take a while, a ride down the river of life, but the results, a smooth edge will never disappoint.

There is another way of dealing with change, resisting. Resistance in its truest form begets revolutions which may or may not be beneficial. Revolutions should be used as salt, sparingly. They are only effective if kept at a minimum, say one in every 100 years?? Too many revolutions blur the focus; the attention is diverted to winning the war. We start thinking more about winning the war that we forget about what we were fighting about in the first place.

Responsibility

One thing we can learn as a community that will be beneficial to us is responsibility. Stephen Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People calls it “the ability to choose your response.” We need to be able to stand up, look ourselves in the mirror and say, I am responsible for who I am today. I am who I am today because yesterday I made certain choices in my life that have brought me to the place I am today.

As a community, we have to learn that our present life is just but a result of yesterdays input we made into our lives. If it is messed up today, then we made messed up choices yesterday. No amount of blaming can change results. It is a done deal. GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT.

My point? Kids are failing in school, academic results are bad. We have all failed as a community and finger pointing will take us nowhere. I have a few reasons I can think of right out of my head at the moment.

• Little or no preparation on the student’s part.
• Lack of quality time dedicated to studies
• Class attendance (Truancy is not only physical, but mental)
• Lack of focus

I will stop here because this is one reason if worked on, can eliminate all the others.

Focus

We all need focus if we are to solve the problem and stop the blaming games. What are we as big brothers and sisters doing? Are we part of the problem, or part of the solution? What was our input last year to the candidate’s lives? Given what we know now, what can we do this year to change next year’s results?

Personally, I feel that it is too late to change last year’s results, but it is still possible to change next years. Let us all look for ways in which we can contribute positively to out community.

Today’s challenge:

What am I doing as an elder sister or brother to improve the academic life of my sister/brother?